TR Hartley

When I was growing up, I was often told, by teachers, people at church, and even television cartoons, “Don’t care about what other people think.” I think people meant it to be helpful and freeing; after all, more and more psychology research was showing the potentially negative effects of peer pressure.

And so, I internalized that message; I believed it, and it informed much of how I saw life and myself in relationship to other people. For example, if I thought something was funny to say, I would say it, even if it hurt someone’s feelings.

It wasn’t until much later in life that I realized that while that advice might have been well-intentioned, it doesn’t really line up with what the New Testament teaches.

Let’s survey seven passages, reading what the text says and (briefly) unpack what it means for this topic:

1. Matthew 7:12 (NIV)

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

The “Sermon on the Mount” in Matthew 5-7 is a collection of Jesus’ teachings. In it, He is instructing His audience on how they should live, act, and think. His words here are also known as “The Golden Rule”. And Jesus apparently feels comfortable making a statement that would be startling to His audience: this “doing unto others what you would have them do to you” actually serves as a summary of God’s instructions on how people should live in the Old Testament.

2. Romans 12:17-18 (NIV)

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Here, Paul is instructing Christians to live in a way that would be seen as good and right by those around them, so that the Christian can live and be at peace with them.

3. Romans 14:13 (NIV)

“Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.”

The context of Romans 14 is that Paul is instructing the Roman Christians to understand their freedom from legalism correctly. Critically, correctly for Paul involves not doing things that would harm other people’s faith, conscience, and walk with God. Christian freedom does not entail living in a way that is harmful to others.

4. 1 Corinthians 8:9 (NIV)

“Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.”

Similar to his words in Romans 14 that we just examined, here Paul is explaining that exercising the rights Christians have in light of the Gospel should not negatively impact others. There are plenty of examples of this line of thinking; for example, it’s one thing to drink alcohol in moderation as a Christian, and another, very problematic thing to drink alcohol around a recovering alcoholic.

5. 1 Timothy 3:2 (NIV)

“Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…”

Here, Paul is explaining that the leader of a local group of Christians should be “above reproach”, which is to say, the way that leader lives shouldn’t be something that those around that leader find problematic or reprehensible. The way a leader lives should point people towards faith in Jesus, not away from faith in Jesus. What does that look like? That’s the rest of the verse: faithful to his wife, living with moderation and self-control, someone who is worthy of respect and practices hospitality, and someone who can teach.

6. Titus 1:6-9 (NIV)

“An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. ⁷ Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. ⁸ Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. ⁹ He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.”

Similar to Paul’s words in 1 Timothy 3, Paul again emphasizes that a Christian leader needs to be the sort of person that is “blameless”. Someone that even people who are critical and quick to fault-find cannot criticize. This sort of person needs to not be “overbearing” or demanding, not quick to anger, not someone who drinks alcohol too much or too often, not someone who inflicts physical violence on others, not someone who is greedy and lacks integrity. Rather, the sort of person who should lead a church is hospitable, values the truly good things in life, someone who is in control of their words and emotions. They should be morally upright, dedicated to God, and able to live out of their values rather than their desires (my paraphrase for “disciplined”).

In other words, once again Paul is saying Christian leaders should be the sort of people who are deeply concerned with pointing people towards Jesus, and not away from Jesus.

7. 2 Corinthians 5:16-21 (NIV)

Let’s look at one more passage from 2 Corinthians 5:

“So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. ¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! ¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹ that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰ We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. ²¹ God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

This is a wonderfully rich passage, and much could be said of it. For today, though, let’s look at this line of Paul’s thought: We aren’t who we used to be! We have actually been made into something new, because while we used to be in opposition to God, that’s no longer the case. Now, we’ve been reconciled to God, because of what Jesus has done for us. And in light of that, we are ambassadors to everyone who is not yet a Christian. And our message as ambassadors is an entreaty for people to be reconciled with God, just as we were.

Conclusion

As we’ve seen, the Bible makes it abundantly clear that “Don’t worry about what others think” is not Christian advice. We are supposed to care and consider how what we say and do we will affect the people around us.

What do we do with that? Does that mean that we should live only to please or help those around us? That the moral rightness or wrongness of an action is solely determined by other people’s response?

No, of course not. We cannot base the worth or value of our lives, actions, words, and decisions on others’ reception. Ultimately, we are to live our lives unto God. And, because we live our lives unto God, we care about accurately representing Him, our lives and witness being pleasing to Him, showing His love to both Christians and those not yet in the Kingdom.

For more on this, you can read this article for a piece of imagery that has been helpful for me to think through living life unto God.